Tag: Work with Anxiety

  • Our Inner Weather of Dopamine Highs & Lows

    Our Inner Weather of Dopamine Highs & Lows

    Navigating Our Inner Weather of Dopamine Storms…

    Joyously alive or chasing the next rainbow?

    Our curious inner forecast

    Have you noticed how our feelings are a lot like the weather?

    One moment, life feels bright — warm sun on the skin, energy flowing, creativity sparking. Then, almost without warning, the winds pick up. Clouds gather. Suddenly we’re caught in a squall of stress, craving, or that peculiar restlessness that sends us raiding the fridge or doom-scrolling on our phones.

    And here’s the trick our minds play: we think, “This storm is me. This mood is who I am.”

    But what if it isn’t? What if the weather is only… well, weather? Fleeting. Temporary. More spectacle than eternal truth — or a mask we sometimes need to wear. And what if — just as the sky stays vast no matter how dark the clouds — we, too, remain steady, open, and unchanged at our core?

    When Our Emotions Feel Like Storms... Navigating our Dopamine Weather

    A scientific perspective (with a wink)

    Those who study brains for a living would say much of this “inner weather” is linked to a busy little chemical messenger called dopamine. From that lens:

    • 🌩️ Storms are dopamine surges — urgency, craving, irritation.
    • 🌞 Sunshine is steady dopamine flow — contentment, peace, joy.
    • 🌈 Rainbows show up when balance allows creativity and flow.

    Science is one way of explaining the dopamine dance. Others might speak of moods, energies, even spirits — or simply the “challenges” life has tossed our way. But whichever story we prefer, we’ve all stood in the middle of an inner thunderstorm — or basked in a golden afternoon of calm — and known how real it feels.

    Not confusing the sky with the weather

    Still, it’s easy to forget: the storm is not the sky.
    The rainbow is not the sky.
    Even the perfect, sunny day is not the sky.

    They’re passing visitors. They shape our experience but don’t define our essence. The sky — vast, open, traceless — holds them all.

    Enjoy a related excerpt from a longer recent podcast we are working on:

    “Do Your Feelings Ever Feel Like Storms?”

    A map for our inner forecast

    🌦️ A Simple Dopamine Weather Map
    Weather PictureStormy Weather (Dopamine Spikes)Sunny Weather (Steady Dopamine Flow)Rainbow Weather (Flow & Creativity)
    The SkyClouds gather, lightning cracks, heavy rain pours.Bright skies, steady sun, a calm breeze.Sunlight and rain mix to paint colors across the sky.
    What It Feels LikeUrgent, restless, “I need it now.” Hard to stop. Energy feels wild or pushy.Calm, steady, “This feels right.” Comfortable in the moment. No rush, no pull.Energized yet relaxed. “I’m in the zone.” Excited focus, time flows easily.
    How the Brain ActsA big burst of dopamine: chasing, craving, stuck on repeat.Gentle stream of dopamine: balanced, steady, satisfied.Mix of steady flow + spark: playful, creative, curious.
    Everyday Examples– Scrolling and can’t stop 📱 – Too much sugar or caffeine 🍭☕ – Anger that explodes 😡– Reading something you enjoy 📖 – A walk in nature 🌳 – Quiet moments with loved ones 🤗– Writing, drawing, building 🎨 – Playing music 🎶 – Losing track of time in a project you love 🛠️
    What Happens AfterDrained, moody, wanting even more to feel okay.Refreshed, grounded, ready to rest or move on.Inspired, proud, energized by what you created or discovered.
    Your SuperpowerNotice: “A storm is here — what helps me pause?”Enjoy: “The sun feels good — I can stay here.”Join in: “The rainbow is here — let’s make something!”

    And don’t worry, there’s no test… And it’s not a label. It’s simply a reminder: moods move on. Storms pass. Rainbows fade. Sunshine returns… And our calm sky beyond the weather is always available to us.

    Seeking shelter, protecting our joy

    When weather turns rough, we often fight the rain or get swept away by it. But another option is to find shelter.

    • Shelter might be a pause, a single breath.
    • Shelter might be a quiet corner, or a kind friend.
    • Shelter might be remembering: This storm, too, will pass.

    And when the sun does come back, we can soak it in. When a rainbow arcs overhead, we can let it dazzle us before it slips away.

    An invitation (from one sky-gazer to another)

    Remember, your mindfulness journey is yours alone to shape. It’s a path of gentleness, curiosity, and self-compassion. Even a single mindful breath can be enough to transform your perception and open you to a calmer, more joyful way of experiencing life. So, take a breath, be kind to yourself, and enjoy the ride!

    What if, the next time our inner weather shifts, we don’t leap to control it or condemn it, but simply notice?

    🌩️ Ah, a storm has blown in.
     🌞 Ah, here’s the sun again.
     🌈 Ah, a rainbow — brief, but beautiful.

    In noticing, we remember: We are the sky.

    So maybe today, we can check the forecast within — not to predict, but to wonder. What’s the weather like in there right now? And what happens if we give ourselves permission to just watch it roll through?

    Want to learn more? Sign up for our free inspirational bi-weekly newsletter or download our 100% free “A Taste of Mindfulness for Seniors” PDF (no email required).

    Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The author is not a licensed medical or mental health professional. Please consult with your physician or a qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

  • If Emotions Aren’t The Problem, What Is?

    If Emotions Aren’t The Problem, What Is?

    Emotions Aren’t the Problem. But When They Derail Us, It Can Be.

    The Challenge of When We See Emotions As Our Identity

    Yesterday, we talked about a toolkit for emotional storms. We discussed why mindfulness isn’t a shield against big upsets or extreme feelings, but a cooling agent and fire extinguisher for the heat and flames they can bring.

    The reason those tools are so vital is that emotions themselves aren’t the problem. The real issue is when we lack understanding about our emotions and see them as our identity. We then happily ride the train-of-upset to all sorts of painful destinations. Our feelings hijack our calm and derail our lives.

    This is a core teaching in emotional intelligence (aka, EQ and EI). It’s backed by new research from thinkers like Professor Ethan Kross, one of many researchers that understand this new perspective. As he says, “Emotions are not our enemies!” Instead, they are seen as valuable information that we can all learn to use as a guide in life. The problem lies in the old view that emotions are things to be suppressed, fixed, or that they are “who we think we are” (mistaken as our self-identity).

    From a Trajectory of Upset to a Path of Mental and Emotional Resilience

    Imagine that an emotionally charged event is like the pull of a trigger. The initial feeling, whether it’s anger or anxiety, is the predictable result of that trigger-pull. But because we have an innate ability to rapidly react and choose, what happens next is completely up to us. As Kross puts it, while we can’t always control the initial trigger, we have “enormous control over the trajectory of the response“.

    The power to change that trajectory comes from being able to separate the emotion from our identity. Instead of thinking, “I am an angry person,” we can shift to simply understanding and observing, “I am experiencing the feeling of anger,” which is exactly where even the simplest of mindfulness techniques can help. This small shift in perspective is everything. It transforms a fixed part of our self-identity and upset into a fleeting, dynamic experience, like watching a stream float by or the traceless path of a bird in the sky.

    But what if you’re so overwhelmed that you can’t even make that shift? This is where your new M4S toolkit comes in, and you can also read the blog post Navigating Emotional Storms.

    Your Toolkit for After the Flames of Upset Have Passed: Building Resilience

    Mindfulness as Part of Our Emotional GPS

    After the immediate heat of an emotional upset has cooled, these next tools are our aids for navigating the labyrinth of our emotional layers. They are designed to help us process what happened so we can build a reliable resilience for future emotional upset or upheaval. You’ve already seen (hopefully) the “fire extinguisher” from yesterday’s post; now it’s time to find out what started the fire in the first place.

    This following approach is based on the problem-solving technique developed by Sakichi Toyoda and used within the Toyota Production System—it’s called the
    “5 Whys Root Cause Analysis“. We’re adapting it here to explore our internal world.

    Here’s that simple framework for self-inquiry that helps you go from reacting to understanding:

    • Ask the Right Questions: Instead of just dwelling on what happened, ask yourself a series of questions (we recommend 5) to get to the root of the issue. Use Distanced Self-Talk, a science-backed technique, to guide this process. For example, the voice in your head might say:
      • “Blair, why are you so upset about this?”
      • “Is your upset similar to other upsets?”
      • “What situation or interaction is this reminding you of?”
      • “Can you remember when in your life these kinds of reactions began?”
      • “What is the core feeling you are experiencing (Fear? Disrespect? Being unheard? Etc.)?”
    • Identify the Core Feeling: The surface emotion (like frustration) is often a sign of a deeper, more vulnerable feeling. Was the upset really about a situation, or was it about feeling unheard or disrespected?
    • Recognize the Pattern: Do these reactions seem familiar? Are they a mental pattern or thinking habit you’ve noticed before? Are you able to understand where you learned this behavior or pattern? Identifying these patterns and emotional habits is the first step toward changing them.

    Our ability to use this “emotional GPS” is what ultimately helps us respond thoughtfully instead of reactively. It’s the key to shifting an emotional trigger from a source of damage loss of control, into an opportunity for growth, meaningful change, and personal resilience.

    Featured Image for this post is courtesy of Clay Leconey from Unsplash.

    Want to learn more? Sign up for our free inspirational bi-weekly newsletter or download our 100% free “A Taste of Mindfulness for Seniors” PDF (no email required).

    Embrace Your Journey with Kindness

    Remember, your mindfulness journey is yours alone to shape. It’s a path of gentleness, curiosity, and self-compassion. Even a single mindful breath can be enough to transform your perception and open you to a calmer, more joyful way of experiencing life. So, take a breath, be kind to yourself, and enjoy the ride!

    Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The author is not a licensed medical or mental health professional. Please consult with your physician or a qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

  • Navigating Emotional Storms With Mindfulness

    Navigating Emotional Storms With Mindfulness

    Tips for Seniors: Navigating Emotional Storms With Mindfulness

    Why Your Mindfulness Toolkit Matters Most When Things Get Rough

    I recently had a moment where I felt completely derailed by an unexpected emotional storm. It was a perfect storm of intrusion, frustration, and an emotional habit that I thought I had left behind. For about 24 hours, it felt like a heavy cloud had moved in, and I had to use every tool in my kit to find my way back to mental calm and emotional balance. That experience reminded me that mindfulness isn’t about avoiding the storms of life; it’s about having a proven toolkit for when they inevitably hit.

    It’s important to understand that mindfulness is not a shield that prevents bad feelings or a panacea that fixes or removes all of our problems. In the case of severe emotional upset, a great way to think of mindfulness is as a fire extinguisher for your emotional flames. It’s having a set of simple, ready-to-use strategies and tools to help you calm the heat of upset when things get overwhelming or feel out of control. This approach acts as a life preserver, allowing you to protect yourself and, just as importantly, insulate others from the ripple effects of your upset. By creating that crucial pause, mindfulness empowers you to respond thoughtfully, helping you embody the highest version of yourself.

    Our upset isn't our identity. A Mindful Pause is our opportunity to reset and rediscover our natural calm and ease.

    When an Emotional Storm Hits: Your Immediate Reset Buttons

    Sometimes, emotions feel too intense—like a storm or tornado—for the gentle observation that traditional mindfulness is often associated with. During these experiences, we need powerful tools that can immediately help cool the flames. To my thinking, these techniques are absolutely a part of mindfulness. Why? Because you’ve deployed the awareness that gives you options and the self-knowledge to know when a simple “allowing” or calm observation won’t work for you. That is a core part of mindfulness. These “extra tools” are a simple, yet effective way to interrupt the overwhelming momentum of upset, protect your mental and emotional well-being, and respect those around you through self-management.

    Here are some effective “Upset Interrupt” strategies that can be used singly or as many as you feel the need to incorporate (During my recent upset, I had to use all of these strategies!):

    • Do No Harm: This is crucial. Avoid saying or doing anything you might later regret, to yourself or to others, like yelling, sending a rash email, or getting behind the wheel of a car when you are upset.
    • Remove Yourself: Physically step away from the person, place, or situation causing the upset. Go to another room or step outside for a few minutes.
    • Just Notice 10 Things: This simple tool works by giving your overwhelmed mind a new, easy job to do. Instead of trying to “fix” the difficult feeling, you simply look for and count ten simple things around you, like books on a shelf or flowers in a vase. The act of looking and counting helps your brain calm down and signals your nervous system to stand down from high alert. (If ten things is not enough, go with ten more, or even 100. Use this “active noticing” as an adaptable tool to suit the level of upset).
    • Engage Your Breath: Take a few simple, conscious deep breaths to help dissipate intense emotional energy. This isn’t about perfect technique, just about taking intentional breaths. (If a few breaths are not enough, try combining this with gentle physical movement to soothe the upset).
    • Move Your Body: Engage in simple physical movement to release pent-up energy, always within your ability. This could be pacing, gentle stretching, or even just getting up and sitting down in a chair repeatedly. Squeezing and releasing a pillow is also a great option.

    Your Toolkit for After the Flames of Upset Have Passed: Building Resilience

    Once the immediate emotional storm has passed and the heat of upset has cooled, and you’ve regained some degree of mental and emotional calm, the more well-known and gentle tools of mindfulness are there to help you process what happened and build your resilience for next time.

    • Recognize and Accept the Emotion(s): Just notice what you felt and what you’re still feeling. It’s okay to feel upset, hurt, or angry. Emotions are a natural part of being human. With the major upset past, you’re now able to move to observation of those feelings rather than being carried away by them.
    • Observe the Sensations: Where did you feel this emotion in your body? A tightness in your chest? A knot in your stomach? A tense jaw or clenched fists? Gently notice these physical sensations with an open, non-biased awareness. If the sensations are still present, you can continue this observation and also work with the sensations through relaxation or visualization techniques.
    • Work with the Thoughts: Our minds love to chatter! Notice the thoughts that came with the emotions. Do they seem familiar? Are they a mental pattern or thinking habit you recognize? Once the big upset has passed, it’s much easier to remind yourself they are just thoughts, not necessarily facts. With some of your newly returned calm, it’s much easier to gently guide your attention away from unhelpful patterns or intentionally question the thinking habits that you feel no longer serve you.

    Want to learn more? Sign up for our free inspirational bi-weekly newsletter or download our 100% free “A Taste of Mindfulness for Seniors” PDF (no email required).

    Embrace Your Journey with Kindness

    Remember, your mindfulness journey is yours alone to shape. It’s a path of gentleness, curiosity, and self-compassion. Even a single mindful breath can be enough to transform your perception and open you to a calmer, more joyful way of experiencing life. So, take a breath, be kind to yourself, and enjoy the ride!

    Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The author is not a licensed medical or mental health professional. Please consult with your physician or a qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

  • Easing Anxiety for Seniors with Easy Mindfulness

    Easing Anxiety for Seniors with Easy Mindfulness

    A Step-by-Step Guide: The “Just Notice 10 Things” Tool for Easing Anxiety

    When the “runaway train” of anxiety or upset starts to pick up speed, it can feel totally overwhelming. While a single mindful breath is a powerful tool for mild unease, easing anxiety when the upset already has a strong hold of us, sometimes we need something more tangible to help us regain our emotional footing.

    In this guide, we’ll walk you through a simple, practical, and incredibly flexible tool I call c

    What is the “Just Notice 10 Things” Strategy for Easing Anxiety?

    Is Easing Anxiety something you want to learn how to do? This approach is inspired by proven therapeutic techniques but is designed to be gentle, accessible, and adaptable for seniors. The goal isn’t to solve the larger problem in the moment; it’s simply to give your mind a new, easy job to do. This simple act shifts your focus away from the internal emotional storm and toward the neutral, external world, which in turn helps to calm your nervous system.

    How to Use the Tool: A Step-by-Step Guide

    When you feel an upset starting, easing anxiety is important… You can start by gently shift your focus and choose one of the following simple “tasks” for your mind.

    The key is to intentionally shift your focus with a gentle nudge toward something other than the upset.
    • Try Counting: Casually and slowly count “just 10 things” around you. This could be ten books on a shelf, ten pictures on the wall, or ten cars passing by a window. The number isn’t as important as the gentle act of looking and counting.
    • Try Naming Colors: Look around your space and silently name five things you can see that are blue. Then maybe four things that are green. You can repeat this with any color you see.
    • Try Noticing Textures: Without moving, bring all of your attention to the feeling of your feet on the floor. Or reach out and feel the texture of the fabric on your chair or the cool, smooth surface of a table.
    • Try Mindful Sips: Take ten slow, deliberate sips of a warm cup of tea, coffee, or even just water. Focus completely on the temperature, the taste, and the sensation of swallowing.
    • Try an Unusual Task: This is a surprisingly effective way to interrupt a thought pattern. Pick up a book or magazine, turn it upside down, and simply try to read one or two sentences. This requires just enough focus to derail the “runaway train” of upset or anxiety.
    • Note: These approaches are based on the DBT model. Read more about Dialectical Behavior Therapy >

    The Invitation: Make It Your Own

    Remember, this is an easy, flexible, and highly adaptable Life Tool, so be sure to make it your own! It doesn’t matter if you count to 10 or count to 100… And if counting isn’t your thing, focus on colors if that works better. Don’t want to focus on colors, use your other senses, including touch for textures, hearing for sounds, smell, etc. You can do these inside, outside, or wherever you prefer. If you have questions, please feel free to let us know >

    The Key Takeaway: If it helps you regain your natural calm, it is the right way to use the tool.

    Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The author is not a licensed medical or mental health professional. Please consult with your physician or a qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

  • The Founder’s Story: How I Learned to Work With Anxiety Using Mindfulness

    The Founder’s Story: How I Learned to Work With Anxiety Using Mindfulness

    In this candid conversation, Mindfulness for Seniors founder Blair O’Neil sits down with our dialogue partner, Lisa, to discuss a challenging period in his own life. He shares his personal story of navigating the “runaway train” of his work with anxiety, and the simple, intuitive turning point that changed his relationship with it forever.

    Lisa: Blair, it’s so good to connect with you today. The theme we’re exploring is anxiety, which is something that touches so many of our listeners’ lives. To start, could you take us back to a time in your own life when you felt that way?

    Blair: Hi Lisa. Thank you. About 25 years ago, I had a beautiful, brand-new son. Because our son had some minor health challenges that kept him and my wife awake most of the night, she wasn’t able to work, so the entire income-generating responsibility fell onto my shoulders. As it happened, I was also transitioning careers from being a 911 paramedic to relying on my art training to start a career in graphic design. With only a few clients, the sense of responsibility and financial stress was immense. All of this led to sleepless, worry-filled nights and an inability to function effectively during the day. It was quite a tailspin.

    The Turning Point: Creating Space

    Lisa: It sounds like an immense amount of pressure converging on you all at once. How did that weight start to manifest internally?

    Blair: In those early days, my thinking and emotions were running quite high. In my overwhelm, in what felt like an unending state of anxiety, I realized that I had to create some space from what I was experiencing. For me, this meant that I needed to work with anxiety directly… So, a lot of walking and spending time outdoors. Sometimes, if I was feeling very upset, I wouldn’t even count my steps; I would just walk quickly, moving my arms and legs more forcefully, giving myself some mental and emotional space.

    And I think the important point I want to make here is that the anxiety didn’t go away; it was still there. It’s just that my relationship to it changed. It became calmer, and I had a bit more of a buffer and internal clarity about how to work with it.

    My work with Anxiety: From a Long Walk to a Simple Tool

    Lisa: That’s such a powerful insight. But as you know, we can’t always go for a long walk. For those moments, you’ve developed a wonderfully simple strategy you call “Just Notice 10 Things.” Could you walk us through that?

    Blair: Of course, Lisa. This approach is inspired by a known therapy called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), but my version isn’t so austere. The idea is to take the core of that therapy and turn it into something that’s easy to do wherever you are and is scalable to the amount of upset you’re feeling. In essence, it’s about giving our mind a different “task” or job to do when we feel the need to address or work with anxiety.

    For instance, you could count 10 books on a bookshelf, or the panes of glass in a window. Alternatively, it doesn’t have to be counting. You could look for ‘all the things that are blue,’ or all the things made of wood.

    The idea is to engage your senses intentionally. You could tap your fingers for a count of 10. You could take ten slow sips of tea. You can even take a book, turn it upside down, and try to read one sentence. You’d be amazed at how that simple shift just turns the volume knob down on our troubling thoughts. It introduces a buffer, a safe reset, where we can begin to face our problems with a calmer mind, giving us the ability to more effectively navigate our challenges instead of being launched into space by them.

    The Invitation: Give Yourself Permission

    Lisa: Before we wrap up, what’s one simple invitation you’d like to offer someone listening right now?

    Blair: The main takeaway is an invitation to directly work with anxiety, using a one-two punch. First, just recognize that you are upset. Second, give yourself permission to stop the engagement with whatever is triggering you. Just turn, walk away, or face a new direction to intentionally create space. Take the temperature knob and turn it way down. Get the flames off high. Then you can revisit the feelings later without getting so wrapped up in the upheaval.

    I also want to say that even with decades of experience, I still get upset. I still stub my metaphorical toe. I think of this approach as a ‘life tool,’ much like a screwdriver or pliers. When “Life Happens” and we get on that runaway train of emotional upheaval, we can pull out our life tools and give our upset a twist or a turn to help make things work a little more smoothly, not only for us, but for those around us.

    It doesn’t mean we become saints; it just means we have an effective tool to live with our upset, face it, and find a way to calm it, thereby giving ourselves the ability to have a happier, calmer life.