What if we set aside our stories for just a moment or two?
Dear friends,
So often we get wrapped up in the stories we tell ourselves. You know the ones—big and grand, small and hurtful, or even the hum of little thoughts filling our days—raising our spirits, weighing us down, or something more subtle in-between. But when we hold on too tightly, or get caught in this sticky web of our own making, we forget the simple, unadorned life that’s happening right here… right now.
But what if, just for a breath, we set those stories aside? I am not suggesting we throw those thoughts away, or ignore every problem that arises. This is simply an inquiry and invitation. What if we gently lay our thoughts and preferences aside for a moment, setting them down beside us? What if, in their absence, we simply take in the view? And allow ourselves a pause—to let the world in, just as it is in this very moment? Like resting by the side of the road, setting down our heavy load.
In that pause, something beautiful can open. The heart can soften. The senses can come alive. And a world of wonder is right here, ever ready to meet us.
Just relax your mind. Loosen your grasp. Let the stories fall away.
Let this very moment pour into your senses. Pull back the curtain. Let the color of life be revealed.
A Closing Reflection
Remember, the stories will always return. That’s just the way of the mind. But you don’t have to be tangled in them all the time. You can set them down again—anytime, over and over. And in doing so, you may discover something simple and precious: the freedom of just being here, right now, in this very moment, meeting life just as it is.
What if mindfulness was far more than just “a practice”?
For many of us, the very idea of “doing mindfulness” can sound like a chore. It’s something you do—a practice of meditation, a rigid routine, or a skill you have to master. It’s an extra item on an already full to-do list, and it often comes with a secret fear that “I’m not good at this.” Plus there is likely confusion about the idea of “Mindfulness as Verb and Noun.”
But what if mindfulness isn’t just a “verb”? What if its greatest power lies in the “noun” side of the coin—the side that reveals your natural state of relaxed being, and gentle awareness?
That’s the simple idea behind: The Swinging Door of Mindfulness
Let’s take a closer look at this concept of Mindfulness as Verb and Noun:
The act of mindfulness (the verb): Is simply the gentle nudge of the door. This is the familiar practice—the intentional act of focusing on your breath, observing a sensation, or practicing a short guided meditation. These are the tools that build your capacity for relaxed calm and mental resilience.
The state of mindfulness (the noun): Is the relaxed openness and simple, spacious awareness that the door opens to—like a window opening to the fresh air. It’s a natural state that is already present, just waiting to be recognized. As the Zen master Shunryu Suzuki described, when we think “I breathe,” the “I” is extra; the reality is simply “breathing”. The “noun” aspect is the big benefit and power of mindfulness. This is where our simple or even-child-like state of being (basic awareness) ), where the “doer” simply merges into the effortless flow of the present moment. Your sense of “self” isn’t destroyed; rather, this experience reveals a broader understanding and experience of interconnectedness, and is in keeping with contemporary science and research on this topic.
So, what’s in this for you? Let’s explore.
Why The Mindfulness as Verb and Noun Matters for You
For seniors in particular, and actually anyone at all, this perspective changes everything. It reframes mindfulness from a rigid, demanding obligation into a gentle, accessible, and deeply personal tool.
It frees you from the burden of perfection. You don’t have to worry about getting it “right” or meditating for a certain amount of time. Even one conscious breath can be enough to taste this state of simply being and gentle open awareness.
It offers an antidote to stress and overthinking. Your mind is not something to be controlled or emptied. The goal is to simply relax into a natural state of awareness, letting thoughts and worries arise and fall away like passing clouds.
It gives credibility and confidence to your experience. This isn’t just a new-age concept; it’s a deep truth found in traditions from Zen to Christian mysticism, and supported by modern neuroscience.
Want to learn more?
You are invited to learn more about the M4S approach in my full research document, where I break down this concept in detail. The accompanying audio podcast file provides a short discussion on the topic.
Anger, Mindfulness, and Ikigai: Taming the Feisty One
How Anger Can Muddy Our Wellspring of Ikigai ~
While anger, mindfulness and ikigai (pronounced ‘ee-key-guy’) are not often found in the same sentence, this odd framing is a way to show how both mindfulness and our ikigai are two potent life-tools that can help us to keep our anger from getting out of control. First, let’s zoom out a bit and take a broader look at anger.
As we all know and have likely experienced, anger can be a feisty one. A potent, untamed emotion that can feel like a jolt of pure energy. It’s powerful, often distressing, and difficult to manage—much like a wild, unpredictable force that’s full of raw energy.
This raw energy, however, is a double-edged sword. Left unchecked, it becomes a destructive force, consuming everything in its path. We’ve all seen it or felt it: that moment when anger takes over, and we say or do things we immediately regret.
Messing With Our Compass: How Anger Muddies Our Ikigai
This is where the real danger lies, especially for our Ikigai. As we have been writing about lately, Ikigai isn’t some distant goal or a perfect intersection of a few bullet points and economic ideal outcome. It’s a living, breathing wellspring of inspiration and joy, a quiet inner song that guides our most authentic expression. It is the very source of our “sweet adventures unknown,” often spoken in a subtle, hushed internal voice, revealed through a gentle and mindful lens. (See our last blog post on this topic >)
Anger, Mindfulness, and Ikigai: The Rage and the Antidote
But anger is loud. It doesn’t just shout—it rages, creating a deafening storm that drowns out the subtle voice of our Ikigai. When we allow this “feisty one” to take over, its noise and accompanying “should’s and should-not’s” corrupt the very source of our joy. Instead of a spontaneous wellspring, our actions become reactive and bitter, driven by resentment rather than our deepest loves.
Think of it like this: your Ikigai is a crystal-clear spring, constantly bubbling with fresh, joyful waters. Unchecked anger is a turbulent mudslide that clouds that clarity. It doesn’t block the flow so much as it obscures the wisdom of our source. It makes it nearly impossible to “Lean in… And listen closely…” to what our Ikigai is quietly voicing.
These muddied waters often leave us feeling empty and disconnected, alienated us from our natural inclinations and the very people, ideas, things and behaviors that bring us happiness. The anger, when unchecked, replaces our small quiet guide, and can lead to a life lived in bitterness, resentment, and even rage. We lose sight of our highest goals and sense of self, and life purpose and passions, because the wellspring from which they flow has been trammelled with the sharp hoofs of anger.
Anger, Mindfulness, and Ikigai: Quieting the Storm
So, how do we protect our Ikigai from this obscuring force? The key is not to eliminate anger, but to understand it, and learn how to meet it, and then handle it.
We all likely understand when I say, “Anger can be a catalyst for change when channeled productively“—usually this comes about when a boundary has been crossed or a perceived wrong has been committed. But without a grounded understanding of self-awareness and a gentle framework of attentiveness, even a well-intentioned upset and anger can turn into a raging torrent, leaving confusion, upset, hurt, and disarray in its wake.
By understanding how we can “choose to pause,” to breathe, and to lean into a mindful approach, instead of riding the waves of upset and anger-fueled upheaval, we can begin to tame this powerful emotion. We can protect the integrity of our inner wellspring, ensuring that our purpose and joy remain the guiding lights or our Ikigai instead of becoming derailed by the fleeting fury of the feisty one.
While mindfulness and Ikigai (pronounced ‘ee-key-guy’) are often discussed as separate ideas—where mindfulness, is usually seen as a “practice” or understood as a set or techniques. And Ikigai, in a contemporary and Westernized sense, as “purpose,” or “best life.”
But diving a little deeper, we can begin to understand the more subtle meanings at play… Where mindfulness is more of a “gentle and flexible life-strategy,” and Ikigai as our unique inner compass pointing to our natural inclinations and natural joy—both facets of the same lovely jewel.
It’s a subtle dance of gentle awareness and a relaxed approach to life when it comes to Mindfulness and Ikigai… And in this dance we can revel in the interplay of this harmonious relationship.
Leaning in… Listening closely…
Setting aside the should’s and should-not’s…
Relaxing our grasp, we sense the subtle winds of our soul.
What wonderful compass is this?!
Leading to sweet adventures unknown, a taste of spontaneous flow, savoring the sweetness of both challenge and joy.
Mindfulness as a Gentle Framework
For most people, thinking of mindfulness as more of a life-tool that is always ready to use when needed allows mindfulness to take on the role of trusted companion on our journey in life is helpful. Something that is useful, relevant, and adaptable to our needs.
And while some engage in a more formal “mindfulness practice” where the traditional “being always present and aware, without judgment,” come into play, there is a softer less formal and gentler approach that isn’t about rigid rules, practices or regulated meditation, but about a way of being, relaxing and tasting our own feast of inclinations and naturally-arising joys. (Learn about our simple, easy, and unique approach to mindfulness >)
Where mindfulness allows us our “Leaning in…” and “Listening closely…” to the subtle nudges of our internal compass and song, while moving through a world of multicolored complexity and depth.
It’s a gentle framework of attentiveness and receptivity, one that allows us to feel the “subtle winds of our soul,” which are so often drowned out by the noise of our thoughts, the accompanying “should’s and should-not’s,” not to mention the hustle and bustle of the busy world around us.
Ikigai as Both Source and Expression
Many popular interpretations of “Ikigai” portray it as an outcome—a nexus of skills, passions, and goals. But I have found Ikigai is something far more personal and abiding. Not some distant achievement that includes some version of fame or success defined by our peers or social pressure. Ikigai is our living wellspring of inspiration that, if we listen closely, becomes our playbook for a life of joy, meaning, and authentic expression, a life lived in richness and flow. (Inspired by Ken Mogi – See this interview >)
Ikigai is what allows us to explore our “sweet adventures unknown” and “savor(ing) the sweetness of both challenge and joy.”
(Some of my own Ikigai-resonant activities—single-speed cycling, painting, writing, even the small rituals of making coffee—are not just hobbies; they are a lived expression of my Ikigai, revealed through a mindful lens that allows my internal song of joy to be heard.)
The Virtuous Cycle of Mindfulness and Ikigai
The relationship between these two concepts can be understood as a harmonious, synergistic, and virtuous cycle:
Mindfulness provides a window into your Ikigai. By adopting a mindful approach, we develop the capacity to notice the “subtle winds” of our deepest loves and joys. It is a perch that allows us to sense the light of our own unique blueprint.
Ikigai provides the compass and fire of motivation. Engaging in activities that resonate with our Ikigai reinforces our natural awareness. When we are deeply immersed in something we love, we become part of a joyful flow.
This virtuous cycle transforms mindfulness into a tool for joyful exploration and Ikigai into a living, breathing song of our soul. The need for rigid goals falls away, revealing the naturally present doorway to our purpose. It is always accessible, spontaneously arisen, and shining from within, illuminating our path in every day and every decision.
I’m in my seventh decade of an amazing life, and like many of you, I’ve noticed things shifting. Our bodies change, our social connections may evolve, and our sense of purpose can sometimes need a gentle realignment. This is a normal part of the journey, but it can also feel overwhelming and anxiety-producing at times. That’s why I want to share a simple, practical approach to mindfulness that has helped me, and might be able to help you too.
Mindfulness isn’t some complicated or “out there” thing you have to force yourself to do. It’s simply meeting life as it is, living our lives fully, but without getting carried away by our worries and upsets. It’s about shifting to a more relaxed approach where we can engage with the world with a bit more ease, calm, and grace.
Mindfulness has always been a wisdom-driven tool, but over the last several decades, it has evolved into something much more flexible and relevant to modern life. At Mindfulness for Seniors, I’ve taken that flexible approach one step further and created a tailored and targeted Simple Mindfulness for Seniors approach.
So, what’s in this toolkit for you? Let’s explore.
A Proven, Research-Backed Way to Feel Better, Mentally and Emotionally
You might be surprised by the benefits that even a little bit of simple and gentle mindfulness can bring to how you feel inside.
Changing Our Relationship to Stress and Worry: The biggest gift of mindfulness is realizing that our inner voice of worry and anxiety doesn’t have to be in charge. Mindfulness gives us a simple way to pause and reset when life feels overwhelming. Many studies show that seniors often report feeling calmer and better able to manage daily stresses and anxieties.
The Potential for a Brighter and Lighter Mood: By inviting more appreciation into our lives and expanding our experience of the many things to be grateful for, mindfulness can help lift our mood and alleviate feelings of isolation and long-term sadness. We can even find ourselves feeling more at ease and joyful, even when life gets messy.
Improved Relationships and Deeper Connections: Our relationships are important, and for some, they mean everything. When we bring a mindful approach to our interactions, we might find ourselves experiencing greater empathy, improving communication, and feeling more satisfied in all our connections, especially with family and friends.
Keeping Our Minds Sharp and Engaged
Maintaining mental clarity is a top priority for many of us seniors. Mindfulness is a wonderful tool for keeping your mind nimble and active.
Sharper Focus and Clarity: Regular, simple mindfulness engagement, even using an as-needed or on-demand strategy, can be like a gentle workout for your brain. It helps improve our memory, concentration, and ability to think clearly and allows us to clear out many of the mental cobwebs and habitual thinking patterns that may no longer serve us.
A Lifelong Skill for Brain Health That Can Even Be Fun: Research suggests that nurturing your mind with mindfulness may even help maintain cognitive function as we age. But it doesn’t stop there. Many new researchers and even mindfulness teachers now fully proclaim the benefits of hobbies, crossword puzzles, Sudoku, playing Bridge, and more… All as extensions of a “mindfulness strategy” for supporting brain health. And who says Mindfulness needs to be “serious” without any fun? Certainly not me!
Practical Benefits for Your Body and Safety
Mindfulness isn’t just for your mind; it’s for our whole life. It can bring very real, tangible benefits to our physical well-being too! And yes, senior health research has found that mindfulness can help here too!
Sleep Better, Feel Rested: If sleep feels elusive, mindfulness can be a game-changer. It helps calm our bodies and minds, leading to more restful nights and combating insomnia. Many seniors report falling asleep faster and sleeping more soundly. And even if the mind kicks back in or return to sleep doesn’t come easily, a well-grounded familiarity with simple breathing and body scan techniques can help us to deeply and fully relax, which of course, also helps us to sleep.
Manage Discomfort and Find Your Balance: This is a big one. Mindfulness has been shown to help with chronic pain by changing our relationship with it. While the pain and discomfort will often still be present, mindful techniques can shift our relationship to pain, reduce our pain reactivity, and even help other pain interventions be more successful. And for movement, mindfulness techniques, especially those with gentle mindful movements or simply mindful walking (even with assistive devices), can improve balance, improve our awareness of our environments, and reduce the risk of falls. This is a major benefit for maintaining our independence with confidence and poise.
Your Personal Toolkit: Easy Ways to Start
The beauty of the M4S approach is that there’s no right or wrong way to do it, and formal meditation is absolutely not required. All you need is a genuine willingness to try. Here are some of our favorite, and actually, most effective and simple things you can try (You can also download our free and newly expanded “A Taste of Mindfulness for Seniors“… And no email required!).
Just One Breath: Feeling rattled? Take one long, conscious breath. That’s a mindful moment. That can be enough! (And if it isn’t, just do it again until you can reclaim your calm).
Mindful Walking: As you walk to the mailbox or around the house, simply notice the feeling of your feet on the ground, the shifting of your balance, the sounds around you, or your feet coming in contact with the ground.
Savoring the Small Things: You can turn any ordinary activity into a mindful one. Really taste that cup of coffee (especially that first sip!). Fully listen to a song you love. Enjoy the warmth of the sun on your skin, or smell that fragrant rose or other plant when you walk past.
Mindful Music: Play some of your favorite calming music, truly focusing on the melodies and the feelings they bring you.
Gratitude Journaling: Write down things you’re grateful for each day, both minor and the big things too. This simple practice can gently shift your focus to positivity. (Sometimes, though maybe not easy, we can also learn to be grateful for life’s challenges. Why? Because they are the fire that forges the tools to build our resilience).
Mindfulness is a wonderful, easy, flexible, and life-centric tool that you can shape to your needs and preferences… not the other way around. By embracing even these small “micro-mindfulness” moments and mini-strategies, you’re paving a path toward a life with greater ease, joy, contentment, and a richer sense of well-being. And it’s never too late to start!
A Quiet Struggle: Finding Support for Addiction in Later Life Through a Mindful Approach
A Strategic Alliance: Mindfulness and Addiction
As we navigate our later years, we often face a unique set of challenges. It’s a time of transition that can bring profound loss, shifts in our health, and changes to our sense of purpose. For some of us, these pressures can lead to a quiet and often hidden struggle: addiction. Today I am going to introduce the ideas of how a strategic approach to Mindfulness and Addiction can be a powerful life tool when facing this increasingly common struggle.
This isn’t a topic that’s discussed often, and it’s certainly not about blame or weakness. It’s about acknowledging a real issue that many seniors face and exploring a gentle, supportive tool that can help—a mindful approach to life.
The Unspoken Reality: Addiction in Our Senior Years
Substance use challenges in our senior years are more common than many think. The number of older adults with substance use disorders is expected to rise to 5.7 million by 2020. This isn’t limited to alcohol; misuse of prescription medications is also a significant concern, particularly opioids, and benzodiazepines (often prescribed for anxiety or sleep).
This struggle is often exacerbated by the very real challenges of this life stage. The National Institute on Aging highlights several key risk factors for older adults:
Grief and Loss: The death of a spouse, family member, or close friends can lead to profound emotional distress that may trigger substance use.
Chronic Pain: Persistent physical pain from conditions like arthritis is a major driver of emotional distress and can lead to a reliance on pain medication.
Loneliness and Social Isolation: Retirement, health issues, or loss of mobility can shrink our social circles. Social isolation is a major risk factor for substance abuse in older adults, and research has shown it is associated with a nearly 50% increase in the risk of dementia and a 29% increased risk of heart disease.
Loss of Purpose: Life stressors such as forced retirement or a change in living situation can heighten the risk of developing substance use disorders.
These are not small things; they are significant life stressors. When faced with this kind of emotional or physical pain, it’s understandable to seek relief. Sometimes, that relief can turn into a dependency that feels impossible to break.
Pairing Mindfulness and Addiction: How a Mindful Approach Can Offer Support (The M4S Way)
Mindfulness, as we explore it in M4S, isn’t about achieving a “special state” or emptying your mind. It is a practical, flexible, and adaptable life tool. It’s about creating a small pocket of awareness—a brief pause between a feeling and a reaction.
This is not a cure for addiction, but it is a powerful life support tool. Research shows that mindfulness can be an effective aid in treating chemical dependencies, helping to reduce substance use and controling symptoms like anxiety and depression. Here’s how mindfulness and addiction can work together:
Building Awareness of Triggers: Mindfulness helps us notice the specific feelings, thoughts, or situations that lead to a craving. By recognizing a trigger as it arises (e.g., a wave of loneliness in the late afternoon), we create an opportunity to choose a different response, rather than reacting on autopilot.
Working with Difficult Emotions: Instead of trying to suppress or escape from difficult emotions like grief or anxiety, our approach encourages gently “embracing and allowing” them. The simple act of taking one mindful breath when a painful feeling arises can help reduce its intensity, making it feel more manageable without needing to turn to a substance.
Changing Your Relationship with Discomfort: Much of our work focuses on changing our relationship with pain and discomfort, whether physical or emotional. Mindfulness teaches us to observe these sensations with a gentle curiosity instead of immediately resisting them. This can lessen the suffering associated with the pain, which in turn can reduce the urge to numb it.
A Few Gentle, Practical Steps to Start to Work with Mindfulness and Addiction
This approach doesn’t require you to sit on a cushion for hours. It’s about weaving simple, “micro-mindfulness moments” into your day.
The One-Breath Pause: When you feel a craving or a wave of distress, simply pause. Take one single, conscious breath. Notice the air entering your body and leaving your body. That’s it. This one breath can be enough to create the space you need to make a different choice.
Mindful Body Awareness: When an uncomfortable emotion arises, gently bring your awareness to where you feel it in your body—perhaps as a tightness in your chest or a knot in your stomach. You don’t need to fix it. Just noticing the physical sensation without judgment can help it to loosen its grip.
Mindful Observation: If you’re feeling lonely, find one simple thing in your environment to observe with full attention for just a minute—the way the light hits a leaf outside your window, the texture of your coffee cup, or the sound of birdsong. This helps ground you in the present moment, away from the story of loneliness.
For Intense Moments: The “Just Notice 10 Things” Strategy
Sometimes, a craving or an emotional storm can feel all-consuming, and even focusing on one breath feels like too much to ask. For those moments, this simple and powerful tool can be your anchor. It works by giving your mind a new, easy job to do, interrupting the overwhelming momentum of the upset.
(This approach is inspired by concepts from Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a well-researched therapeutic method.)
Here are a few ways to use it. The goal is the gentle act of looking and noticing:
Try Counting: Casually count “just 10 things” in the room around you. Ten books on a shelf, ten tiles on the floor, ten leaves on a plant.
Try Naming Colors: Look around and silently name five things you can see that are blue. Then four things that are red. Then three things that are white. Repeat with any colors you see.
Try Noticing Textures: Without moving, focus all your attention on the feeling of your feet on the floor. Or reach out and touch the fabric of your chair or your pant leg. Notice that single sensation for a moment.
This isn’t about ignoring the difficult feeling. It’s about turning down the heat so you can regain your balance and choose how to respond, rather than being carried away by the storm.
It’s Never Too Late to Find Support
The journey through our later years has its own unique terrain. Acknowledging a struggle with addiction takes immense courage. It’s a health issue, not a moral failing, and it is treatable.
Mindfulness is not a substitute for professional medical care, but it is a life-affirming companion that can support your journey to well-being. If you are struggling, please know that seeking help is a sign of strength.
Where to Find Help: Building Your Support System
Acknowledging a struggle is the first step, and seeking help is a sign of strength. If you or someone you know needs support, there are many excellent resources available. Remember, you are not alone.
SAMHSA National Helpline: The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration is a primary resource. They offer a free, confidential, 24/7 treatment referral and information service. You can visit their page for older adults at: https://www.samhsa.gov/communities/older-adults or call the helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
Your Medical & Mental Health Team: Your doctor, therapist, or counselor is a crucial partner. They can provide professional diagnosis, treatment plans, and referrals tailored to your specific needs.
Veterans Affairs (VA): For veterans, the VA offers a range of addiction and mental health services. Contact your local VA for more information.
12-Step Programs: Groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA) provide long-standing, community-based peer support that has helped millions of people.
Faith-Based Recovery Programs: Many churches, synagogues, mosques, and other faith-based organizations offer recovery groups that integrate spiritual support with the healing process.
Local Community & Family Support: Don’t underestimate the power of connection. Local senior centers, non-profit organizations, and trusted family members or friends can provide invaluable emotional support and encouragement.
Disclaimer: The author is not a medical or mental health professional. The content of this article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are struggling with addiction or mental health challenges, please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.
Information Resources for Mindfulness and Addiction:
For statistics on the prevalence of substance use disorders in older adults:
Source: National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), part of the NIH.
For more on the therapeutic skills that inspired the “Just Notice 10 Things” technique:
Source: McLean Hospital, Harvard Medical School Affiliate. This guide explains the core skills of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), including distress tolerance, which helps individuals get through stressful situations without making them worse.
