In this candid conversation, Mindfulness for Seniors founder Blair O’Neil sits down with our dialogue partner, Lisa. In their conversation, they explore the deeply personal topic of living with chronic pain. He recounts his story of the life-altering accident that reshaped his world. and the gradual, mindful journey of shifting from a state of war with his body to a new relationship built on adaptation, acceptance, and grace.
Lisa: Hello, and welcome. Blair, thank you for being willing to explore this sensitive subject with us today. To start, I know this is a deeply personal topic for you. Could you take us back and share the story of how chronic pain first became a significant part of your life?
The story behind the pain…
Blair: Hi Lisa. Yes, it is a memory for sure, but not one that I identify with like I used to. This is the story of ‘me’ at the age of 30, coming home one night when I had a head-on collision with a drunk driver. I like to quip that my life was BC and AC—Before Crash and After Crash. It was a significant point in my life that shifted everything, from a carefree, energetic person to someone who now had to rebuild their physicality, their mental ability, and reinvent themselves. It was and has been a long and arduous path.
Lisa: Thank you for sharing that. It sounds like an immense amount of pressure. Can you take us into that time of recovery? What was the internal experience like, feeling trapped in a body that was suddenly so limited?
A deep reckoning…
Blair: Looking back, it was incredibly frustrating because I was a very active, fit young man at the peak of my physical prowess. I went from what seemed like boundless opportunity to something much more closed off. It was a deep reckoning of a life that I dreamed of being shattered. It wasn’t feasible anymore, and I had to literally reinvent myself. I had to manage not only the pain and discomfort (and undiagnosed PTSD) that was now a part of my life, and it took decades to really come to terms with it all. It was, and still is to some extent, a work in progress.
Lisa: It sounds like there was this constant struggle. You described a moment, or perhaps a gradual realization, where your perspective on this struggle began to shift. Can you talk about that turning point?
The shift: From fighting to accepting and working with life as it is…
Blair: It wasn’t like there was a single breakthrough moment…It was more of an experience-by-experience meeting of the challenge that, over time, led to my shift. Before the accident, I raced bicycles, which is where I think I got my “grit and determination” from. So with the injuries I now had, it was clear that “just powering through” the recovery would need to be more nuanced. Yes, I would still need to make efforts… But I also needed to pay attention to my physical and also my mental states.
Eventually, there was a surrendering, not a “giving up,” but more of an acknowledgment of the experience of limitations and discomfort.
It was like my body would make a move in a game of chess, and I would have to respond. The more I chose to play the victim role, the more I suffered. What I began to intuitively understand was that if I took the situation and faced it and started to investigate it, I was more able to come up with adaptive solutions.
Lisa: That’s a beautiful and insightful distinction. It’s not about raising the white flag, but acknowledging the reality of the board and strategizing your next move. How did this profound change in your relationship with the pain affect your daily life?
The journey continues to this day…
Blair: Although I would say that while the mental deficits are 99% resolved (though my friends might jokingly disagree), many physical challenges remain. Being mindful of my limits and the experience of those limits, every day is a key element to my ability to stay on track. I am no longer fighting it; I am working with it, strategizing with it, embracing it.
While some days are much more difficult than others, the process is a daily dance. By moving with it, much like a surfer works with the waves, I have been able to navigate the challenges (sometimes more successfully than others) and move on, hopefully with some degree of grace, contentment, and mental calm… I would even go so far as to say that despite the challenges, there is a deeper gratitude for the life I’ve been given.
Lisa: Blair, thank you for that incredibly honest reflection. It’s a wonderful and empowering note to end on.
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