In this candid conversation, Mindfulness for Seniors founder Blair O’Neil sits down with our dialogue partner, Lisa, to discuss a challenging period in his own life. He shares his personal story of navigating the “runaway train” of his work with anxiety, and the simple, intuitive turning point that changed his relationship with it forever.
Lisa: Blair, it’s so good to connect with you today. The theme we’re exploring is anxiety, which is something that touches so many of our listeners’ lives. To start, could you take us back to a time in your own life when you felt that way?
Blair: Hi Lisa. Thank you. About 25 years ago, I had a beautiful, brand-new son. Because our son had some minor health challenges that kept him and my wife awake most of the night, she wasn’t able to work, so the entire income-generating responsibility fell onto my shoulders. As it happened, I was also transitioning careers from being a 911 paramedic to relying on my art training to start a career in graphic design. With only a few clients, the sense of responsibility and financial stress was immense. All of this led to sleepless, worry-filled nights and an inability to function effectively during the day. It was quite a tailspin.
The Turning Point: Creating Space
Lisa: It sounds like an immense amount of pressure converging on you all at once. How did that weight start to manifest internally?
Blair: In those early days, my thinking and emotions were running quite high. In my overwhelm, in what felt like an unending state of anxiety, I realized that I had to create some space from what I was experiencing. For me, this meant that I needed to work with anxiety directly… So, a lot of walking and spending time outdoors. Sometimes, if I was feeling very upset, I wouldn’t even count my steps; I would just walk quickly, moving my arms and legs more forcefully, giving myself some mental and emotional space.
And I think the important point I want to make here is that the anxiety didn’t go away; it was still there. It’s just that my relationship to it changed. It became calmer, and I had a bit more of a buffer and internal clarity about how to work with it.
My work with Anxiety: From a Long Walk to a Simple Tool
Lisa: That’s such a powerful insight. But as you know, we can’t always go for a long walk. For those moments, you’ve developed a wonderfully simple strategy you call “Just Notice 10 Things.” Could you walk us through that?
Blair: Of course, Lisa. This approach is inspired by a known therapy called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), but my version isn’t so austere. The idea is to take the core of that therapy and turn it into something that’s easy to do wherever you are and is scalable to the amount of upset you’re feeling. In essence, it’s about giving our mind a different “task” or job to do when we feel the need to address or work with anxiety.
For instance, you could count 10 books on a bookshelf, or the panes of glass in a window. Alternatively, it doesn’t have to be counting. You could look for ‘all the things that are blue,’ or all the things made of wood.
The idea is to engage your senses intentionally. You could tap your fingers for a count of 10. You could take ten slow sips of tea. You can even take a book, turn it upside down, and try to read one sentence. You’d be amazed at how that simple shift just turns the volume knob down on our troubling thoughts. It introduces a buffer, a safe reset, where we can begin to face our problems with a calmer mind, giving us the ability to more effectively navigate our challenges instead of being launched into space by them.
The Invitation: Give Yourself Permission
Lisa: Before we wrap up, what’s one simple invitation you’d like to offer someone listening right now?
Blair: The main takeaway is an invitation to directly work with anxiety, using a one-two punch. First, just recognize that you are upset. Second, give yourself permission to stop the engagement with whatever is triggering you. Just turn, walk away, or face a new direction to intentionally create space. Take the temperature knob and turn it way down. Get the flames off high. Then you can revisit the feelings later without getting so wrapped up in the upheaval.
I also want to say that even with decades of experience, I still get upset. I still stub my metaphorical toe. I think of this approach as a ‘life tool,’ much like a screwdriver or pliers. When “Life Happens” and we get on that runaway train of emotional upheaval, we can pull out our life tools and give our upset a twist or a turn to help make things work a little more smoothly, not only for us, but for those around us.
It doesn’t mean we become saints; it just means we have an effective tool to live with our upset, face it, and find a way to calm it, thereby giving ourselves the ability to have a happier, calmer life.
